DD or Else
Published by deviousdiva July 31st, 2007 in Personal.The following is a genuine appeal for opinions not seeking sympathy or dramatics or support (although all are welcome here, as you know !)
Should I reveal who I am ?
Not that I am someone important or that you will be shocked to find out that I’m a celebrity after all. I received two messages today, obviously from the same person, stating that they know who I am. They do…sort of. They know my real name and some of what I do offline. The joke of it is that the one or two people who wish me harm already know who I am but the rest of you don’t.
I love my online Devious Diva persona. It is part of me and is not hiding some deeply flawed personality that the “real me” needs to have in order to function online. If you knew me in real life, you would know that. The main reason for keeping my real identity secret has been for safety reasons. I have been genuinely worried about my offline security given that I have received more than my fair share of online stalkers and trolls. Now that the “secret” is in their hands, there seems little point in feeding their sad little game. As I have said before, I haven’t been that hard to find but now they’ve figured it out there seems to be no reason to maintain it.
My question is this: Should I reveal who I am and what I do offline ? Not that it would be astounding or anything but at least the “behind the scenes” threats and nonsense would be over. I am thinking of a permanent “who am I” page that gives my real name and some of my interests and work etc. What do you think ? Do you think it is dangerous to do that? (bearing in mind that although I never give any information about the kid, I am in the public eye fairly often and in that sense, vulnerable.) They have said that they don’t want to hurt me in any way and that I am the baddie/terrorist/violent person in this scenario but somehow I am not reassured! Anyway, what do you think?
I am fine with this latest round of threats, so please don’t worry. I have known for a while that it would come to this point and many people have advised me to get it over and done with. DD will still be my online name for as long as I am blogging. At its most positive, It would give me the chance to talk about the other things I am up to in my life.
I think it is best you remain anonymous. You never know who will wish you harm in the future so the fewer people who know enough to track you or your loved ones down the better. I admire how little you give away. I am pretty sure the love of your life is another ex pat ex blogger. And you live in one of the many relatively recently developed suburbs but north, east or west, I have not got a clue, which is how it should be. Keep up the anonymity for this reader’s peace of mind, please!
quack , quack ,
i agree with papa duck ,
but thats my opinion.
zquack,,,zquack…………=Z=
If I were blogging the type of stuff you do, I would remain as anonymous as possible. Nobody, except people you trust have a need to know…ciao
Whilst it wouldn’t make any difference to me if you are DD or A.N.Other, don’t forget that Google sees all, so even if you did do the big reveal for a couple of days, then regret it, it would be hard to erase from the collective memory of the net.
once people started revealing my identity and posting links to pictures of me on anti-arab and anti-muslim message boards, i stopped worrying about revealing myself on my own blog, because they had already done that for me. still, i don’t get very detailed or personal in my about page (i might customize it soon, but i’m not sure whether i would put my full name in it).
i found that it is really hard to compartmentalize myself to keep all these different projects separate. it is just easier for me to not be anonymous. i know it is scary because there are people out there who really want to hurt us, and we can’t trust that they are just all talk, no action. you have a child, which makes it even more worrisome. i began to feel like, i can’t let this fear dictate my actions. i can’t let these random people have any bearing on what i choose to do. i also want the things i write on my blog to be associated with the things i write and do elsewhere.
i guess it’s a decision we all have to make for ourselves. i am not anonymous, but i’m not all out there on the front page. good luck with your decision!
Keep your “real life” personality in the background, as it is now. Safety concerns still matter - even if a few aggressive people know “who you are”, not every confused and aggressive hotshot who could show up at your door in a moments decision of rage knows. Keep in mind that you can never totally avoid risks, but you can reduce them. It’s a big difference if someone aggressive has to go all the way to find these other people who know, or if they can just look up the information right along.
Thank you to each of you who responded. I think the consensus is clear!
Papa Duck: Thank you for your concern. It is very much appreciated. I don’t live anywhere that you guessed so I feel safer knowing that no-one REALLY knows! You have obviously followed this blog quite closely, knowing that the love of my life is a fellow (sadly ex) blogger. I am so grateful for having such loyal friends on this blog!
Zardoz: As ever, your opinion really matters to me. I know you have my back
Rositta: You have so quickly become one of my favorites and I appreciate your opinion
Martin Belam: You are right. It’s a passing thing for us that the wrong people could access for the longest time.
Nadia: Thank you. I know that you know what I am talking about. No, I don’t want to let fear dictate my actions but I have to weigh up the pros and cons. After a very long dealing with all this, I have realised that I am much stronger than I ever realised I was and that, even at times when I’m not, there are lots of people out there who are looking out for me. Thank you.
betabug: Thank you too. I think I know what to do now. The ones who bother to write and make me feel uncomfortable are probably harmless (if a little creepy). It is always the ones who would really do me harm I have to worry about! And I don’t need to make it easy for them right?
Thank you all for your patience on this issue. I know that you have heard my numerous moans about this in the past. It has been a constant behind the scenes issue for me and I am so happy that you still find the time to care and respond.
You have helped… Thank you
The issue here is safety vs. what? What would you accomplish by going public? Sure, it would make it pointless for more creeps to try to discover your identity, because your identity would now be public, but the problem is not creeps trying to discover your identity, the problem is what the creeps could potentially do once they *have* your identity, and going public certainly makes things worse in that direction.
Therefore, I do not think that making your identity publicly available would be a good idea. If you would like to blog about other aspects of your real life, my suggestion would be to just start another, completely unrelated blog, and never mention one in the other.
I do not know about the specific circumstances under which the creeps got hold of your identity, (I certainly hope you do know, because that’s very important to fix,) but my guess would be that they are probably just geeks, who are usually harmless. (In any case, if you want to answer this, please only do so through a private message.)
Nonetheless, I think that you should probably have been keeping completely secret the fact that your identity has been compromised by some, never admitting it even to those who claim they know who you are, and denying it publicly. In other words, this discussion should have never been. Besides, admitting it to the online community does not help you much, since none of us will be there to help if you come under attack in the real world.
Anyway, good luck, and please be careful.
Hi there, Διαγόρας, well, the fact is out there whether I talk about it or not. Some people know who I am. It is probably not fixable now except if I had been psychic! I was not really savvy when I started online all those years ago before blogs and certainly before women with opinions had blogs. It is not possible to keep all this secret (even if you checked yesterday before I deleted some comments, you would have found my name and other info)
I know you cannot help me if something were to happen in the real world, but that hasn’t changed since I found out that people “are watching me”. It just feels better that you all know about it.
I will be careful. And I think my decision has been made thanks to all of you. I only blame myself for being naive but I am glad that I told you all that this was going on!
Well, your decision has been made and I agree it is the right one. And you know most of us love you under whichever name you choose!
DD I know you have made your decision which could not have been easy. Personally I wish I had remained anonymous as the abuse and threats are exhausting. The recent spate horrendous. How do we protect ourselves? I dont know but sometimes I do ask if it is worth all the sleepless nights and stress.
best
DD, you should set up a SPAM filter so when these jerks try and name you, it won’t let them post their comment if they try and type your name in their post or subject line.
Further, you could set the spam filter for several similar spellings of your name in case they try and bypass the SPAM filter.
Ultimately, you could just go to comment validation, which would allow you to delete their comments immediately.
Thank you for the advice, George. I should have thought of that sooner!
They’re so tedious.