One other point I’d like to add that I suppose is in line with Martin is this. I gave another suggestion to Diva on another post about having a Greek person call for you, but then I started to remember my first days in Greece and how that is NOT what I did. So I’m starting to ponder more now….

When I first came to Greece as an American, I did tell them up front I was American in the first few words of the conversation, so if there was any concern of theirs, I’d prefer to know right over the phone because ultimately I wouldn’t want to live where I was not wanted.

So, when I did meet landlords, they already knew I was American and I was pre-approved as it were. The ones who said no vacancy or already rented, or hesitated just made my job easier in not having to deal with them in person. Sadly, being pre-approved can make you personally feel better, but are you just giving in?

Anyone?

Hi Matt, Thank you for your comment and welcome to my blog. I totally agree that the lack of this same experience does not constitute any kind of gulf between you and I.

Your understanding and empathy is what builds bonds between people of different experiences. The fact that you read this and pictured yourself in someone else’s shoes counts for so much. The fact that you do not negate someone else’s experience of the world speaks volumes.

Thank you.

Premise 1: Racism, sexism, and xenophobia exist.
Premise 2: Different races, genders, and nationalities are *unevenly* subjected to these emotions.

In this context, I come from a relatively small cross section of people who, because of race and gender, may proceed blithely through most of the world without eliciting the reaction you described. (You didn’t invoke sexism in this episode, but it is a related phenomenon). My nationality isn’t even particularly objectionable in this part of the world. And so, I don’t have a parallel story in my own experiences. I’d like to say “I know how you feel,” but I don’t remember that I ever did – at least not to the depth that you do, hammered in by the reactions of people everyday, everywhere.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t understand why you would feel tired (at least), if not offended or wounded, by these reactions. It is enough to just imagine myself in your situation on that one occasion; I flinched when I pictured myself in your shoes.

So can I relate to the post? If you’re asking for a shared memory, I don’t have it. That’s almost guaranteed by the way you phrased the question. I can assure you, though, that you have my understanding and empathy. And speaking for myself, I don’t think the lack of this same experience constitutes any kind of gulf between you and I, or between brownfemipower and I, or any two people. We are all people.

I think the fact that you are examining your reactions is a good thing. It is something that I think we all need to do constantly if we are to learn and become better human beings.

As I said, I do not think the landlady was racist but I was trying to illustrate how a lifetime of racism feels, if you know what I’m saying.

It is only when “fear of the unknown” (which people of colour feel from people all the time) turns into discrimination that it becomes racism.

I have realised through writing this post how extremely hard it is to describe the “other side” of the equation. It is so much easier for people to understand the landlady’s position (not just you denise, most people) than it is to understand how it feels from where I am standing. Not just the landlady. But everyday. Everywhere.

Thanks for your comment, denise. It got me thinking and that’s always a good thing!

Hey BondBloke! welcome back. I hope all is well. Thanks for the words.

Hi Pearl, you’re absolutely right…it’s the accumulation that wears you down. You hit the nail on the head. Thanks

story #2

my aunt left me a huge 3 bed in an island. I go for a couple of weeks in the summer, but the rest of the year the place goes to waste. last summer I got an albanian guy to paint the outside. when I went round to his house to pay him and realised that he was living with his wife and 3 kids in a tiny one bed, I felt terribly guilty. He mentioned that his landlord was evicting him.I offered him my house, asking for less than what he was paying, on the condition that I still get to visit for a couple of weeks in the summer. The look he and his wife gave me when I said that is one I will never forget.
A couple of days after they had moved in, he called me. the next door neighbour (an old lady to whom I am not related but who cried everytime she saw me as if I was her lost grandchild or something, and who would offer me coffee and tell me lovely things about my dead aunt) told his wife that the house is cursed (!) and that’s why my aunt died young, accompanied by some ridiculous story about the ghost of a black cat in the attic. I told him to put his wife on the phone, and I explained to her that she obviously was jealous that a family of albanians was living next to her in a house twice the size of her own. It worked.
When I visited them a week later, and I saw the garden taken care of and full of life, and their kids’ colourful toys among the trees, I knew I had done the right thing.
On my way down to the port, I met the old lady who looked the other way as if she didn’t know me. I didn’t bother. I just felt sad for her and her miserable life.

Hi AntigoneSis and welcome to my blog. I will pop over to yours in a while. Thank you for sharing your story and I am very glad that you have been willing to really listen and absorb what your friend was talking about. And yes, there are many similarities between different cultures and races. If only we could connect more through those rather than constantly focusing on difference…

In my opinion, diversity is a gift and if we all could get past our preconceptions, like you did, we would discover the joy in that gift.