To regular readers of this blog, people who know me and anyone who cares,
Over the last couple of months I have promised posts that have not appeared or have been a long time in coming. For that I apologise but I also want to explain what is going on. I have been very scattered in my thinking/blogging these days and my real life has been the same. We have to move house in the very near future. I know that it doesn’t sound like a very big deal but it really is, on a personal level.
I have moved many, many times before so I should, in theory, be taking this in my stride but the older I get, the more difficult it has become. Having invested so much time and effort into our home and more significantly (to me) in our garden, I am terribly sad to be leaving it. Also, for those who know me in real life, we will be leaving something that is very important to us in our creative life.
I am, on the one hand, excited to be moving. New house. New beginnings. A decent bathroom ! On the other side, I am leaving a garden that I so lovingly made out of nothing. I am leaving plants that I nutured and struggled with. I am leaving the jasmine that I planted in the memory of my mother-in-law. I am leaving the soil that I dug and fed and tried to bring to life. I have a strong attachment to this tiny patch of land.
But it’s not just the plants. I can grow more. I can even take some with me for the new place. It’s also the memories. The overwhelming nostalgia. Our very good friends used to live upstairs. They have now moved a long way from us and that is part of why we are having to leave too. Our kids grew up together. Those three boys (my one and their two) have all peed on the lemon trees. They have all fallen out of their branches. Their basketball/footballs have smashed various windows and flowerpots. Their screaming and silliness have got on our nerves. Their bikes have crashed into walls and been left out in the rain (much to our annoyance). Their laughter has filled our ears so that they are still ringing.
The memories are strong, almost overwhelming. The parties, the barbecues, the late night music sessions, the impromptu coffees in the sun, the “I have a few sausages and potatoes, you have some salad and bread, why don’t we pool our resources and eat together?”
I know there will be new memories. Good ones. Great ones. And our lives have already changed, in that we and many of our great friends have moved away , got real jobs, different commitments and all that that entails.
That we are all getting older is a fact. And I am not so worried about that as I was when I turned 40. What I want to say is that I treasure the memories that I have of this place and of all of you that made those memories. I am just having a hard time letting go…
So deep breath… here’s to a new era. And new memories. And bear with me if I’m a bit wobbly for a while…
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I understand how you feel. My last move was from Athens (where I’d lived for 6 years) to Brussels (where I’ve been for the last 5). It was really hard, uprooting my whole life and leaving my memories and friends behind. Am now contemplating moving once again and have already started dreading it (even though it’s not gonna happen before Xmas):(
Make sure that whoever takes over the house is a nature/garden lover, that way you’ll know your jasmine is gonna be well taken care of!!!
And go forth, make new and exciting memories to add to the old ones!
May the force be with you in the move…;)
i am sorry this is a hard time for you. i don’t like change either…
Hi Imogen and welcome. Thank you for your thoughts. Sadly, we have no control over what will happen to our place when we leave. We are renting and the landlord is looking to sell it. I think whoever buys it will knock the whole building down and build a block of flats. I will try and take as many of the plants that will survive a move.
Hi JustMe, Thanks for your thoughts too. I am getting worse at change as I get older. I used to be more excited. I guess it’s because I am more settled now.
DD, I’m so sorry! Reading about your garden-it’s no wonder you’re having a hard time with this move. Please be kind to yourself. Do you have plenty of photos of the garden and house to take with you?
DD, I so relate! Although I was happy about moving to the home I live in now, it was so hard for me to leave the other place. The soil there had been horrible, rocky, clay-ey, and I knocked myself out building raised beds, hauling in dirt, making and adding compost until I had nice raised beds. I had to leave my kids’ bigtoy, which all of them either helped build or played on, my small ratty greenhouse, my amazing evergreen clematis that filled the air with sweetness when it bloomed in the spring and covered a quarter of the house, the trees I planted when I miscarried, the roses nourished by the placenta of the babies I gave birth to in that house. It was so, so hard to leave it!
Take a little bottle of sand, rocks, bits when you leave. I have lots of little bottles like this containing reminders of places I dearly love which are part of me.
I feel you– good luck in your move.
Heart
Been in a place like that. There’s some trees and perrennials I would have loved to have been able to transplant.
Hi diva
So sorry to hear how sad you feel. Having invested so much time & care in your place, it’s natural, but I do feel for you – have had many many “leavings” myself.
Perhaps it will help to think that the richness of your experience there ultimately results from YOU and those you share your life with. That’s the constant, the factor that won’t change – YOU. I’m sure you’ll find ways to create other marvels, enrich your life etc in the new place too. It doesn’t diminish the loss (that garden sounds like a haven!) but perhaps it’ll help to move your heart forward to the next step.
I wish you strength and success with the move, and MUCH JOY in your new place. Please don’t abandon us – even if it’s “only” misery you can share, it’s something, and every bit binds us together. I do miss you when you don’t blog. I feel a bit like that garden of yours – fed by you – when I read your posts.
Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. Don’t worry, I am not stopping the blog…just being a bit wobbly for a while… I am sure you understand. Actually, it’s helping just to be getting on with it. We went to an agency at the weekend and they were very positive apart from telling us that one nice place was up for grabs but they didn’t want foreigners! Oh well, I know the right place is out there.
I actually feel that by writing down what I feel and sharing it with you all has helped. So thank you.
I think it’s wonderful that your old house is overflowing with lots and lots of good memories! Here’s to a new era and a new house that will continue to brim over with your family’s laughter and love.
p.s. You didn’t mention if the new house has any patches of garden, but I’m sure you’ll find ways to keep your green thumb busy. Perhaps a veranda?