THIS IS NOT MY COUNTRY was born on June 22nd 2005 at 6:15pm.
Posts to date: 308
Hits to date: 39,780
Comments to date: 1868

I started this blog after pontificating for ages and then writing; and not being happy with it and starting again and worrying and avoiding and all the rest of the stuff people do to avoid getting started on something. Then I just decided to take the plunge and start. I have been doing the same over the past week or so and although I don’t know exactly why I have more of a clue than I did then.

My first post was an announcement of a book about the racist killings that happened in Athens six years earlier. I wrote about the denial of racism and xenophobia in Greece as being “a dangerous fantasy”. Sadly, a year later, that is still my feeling. The story of Alex , the 10 year old boy who was killed by children has brought all those feelings to the forefront again and instead of inspiring me to keep going, keep hammering at those old notions, it has made me question what I am doing and what is the point of it all?

So I decided I would look back over this past year and see how I got here, wherever that is, and perhaps make some sense of it all.

June
At the beginning I just wrote. I looked up articles from local, national and international papers, added some commentary of my own and posted. I used resources accessible to everyone such as Amnesty International, Refugee Council, Greek Helsinki Monitor and other human rights organizations. I wasn’t making this stuff up. It surprised me as much as anyone else the depth of the problems here concerning human rights. So, using the material I was finding daily online, I merrily blogged away. One week into blogging and I got my first comment. It was from a fellow-expat Melusina of Mel’s Diner
(I knew I could find someone to blame for this whole affair. LOL) By the end of June I had the grand total of 2 comments.
July
By the end of July the amazing total of comments was 4. Something happened this month though, that would change my blog completely. I wrote a post about a neo-nazi festival due to be held in Greece in the September. I supported the calls for a ban. No-one commented because hardly anyone was reading. Until the wonderful Mel (I knew it was your fault!) wrote a very interesting and intelligent counter-argument to mine. Her readership was already well established so I guess people wondered who this deviousdiva was that she was writing about and I began to get a small readership of my own. Most of the heated arguments about Greece were still going on on other people’s blogs. Towards the end of the month I got my first troll. 4 comments and one hideous anti-semitic troll who I deleted, without question, out of shock that anyone would leave such a hateful message on my blog. I had no idea what was to come.
August
Always a quiet month in Greece so I took it easy, posted when I could. I enjoyed a very long break with the love of my life while our child was in England. There was little reason to be in front of the computer when we could be lounging around, or strolling in town, or sitting in cafes or doing all the others things people do when their children are away.
September
The Nazi Festival was fast approaching and lots of people were talking about it around the blogworld. On the 13th I wrote this post:

It seems as suspected by many that the Hatewave festival is going ahead. The organisers are determined to protect their “constitutional rights” and hold this hate meeting despite all efforts to ban it. I don’ believe they have a right to have a “festival” that they themselves call hatewave. They are nazis. Just look around the internet at some of their sites. They make me sick. I don’t want to see or hear anymore of it. As far as I am concerned they have NO right to spread their hatred and violence around. I’ve had enough of being tolerant and listening to the censorship arguments, freedom of speech, the right to meet and all that. Right now I want to throw up just from looking at this stuff; the swastikas, the armbands, the hate paraphenalia, the lies and the sickness. If you can stomach it, read some of their forums. We are dealing with very sick people. A LOT of very sick people. I was going to post some links to their sites but I can’t bring myself to do it. Believe me, I know what the reaction will be to this post. But I’ve had enough. I don’t want them here. STAY SAFE THIS WEEKEND

I said I knew what the reaction to the post would be but I had no idea how extreme or how long-lasting it would be. It was the beginning of a long and painful journey with some people, who I naively thought I could have a dialogue with. To be honest, in the beginning it was thrilling. People were reading and reacting. Finally, my blogging seemed to have a kind of purpose. It was generating interest and that is what I wanted. I realised that people were interested in the issues I was writing about and that was positive.

October
By now, the circle of fellow bloggers was widening and I enjoyed reading and contributing to their blogs as much as to mine own. A huge argument blew up over at the SeaWitch’s blog about immigrants carrying the Greek flag, which attracted 202 comments. It was during this argument that my feelings about blogging began to change. Even though it was not my post, I was generally insulted by some of the people there because of my colour. It was the first real inkling of the trouble that would come. Here I was. A foreigner commenting on Greece and, good grief, I am black as well. This I believe is the root of the problem. How dare I critisise Greece for it’s failures and shortcomings. How dare I point out human rights abuses in this land of heroes. This perfect place where everything good in the world was supposedly invented. How dare I point the finger at this homogenous, Orthodox Christian country that can never be wrong-headed. I was hearing all the time that Greeks are not racist, they just don’t want the “savages” to be here. Greeks are not homophobic, they just don’t like gays. Greece is not violating human rights, it just doesn’t like to play by the rules it signed up for because it is different to everywhere else. And I should either put up with it or shut up and go away.

November
I became more confident about writing my personal stories and people responded, mostly positively, to my posts. I started to take part in blog carnivals and some of my posts were being linked to by people I have enormous respect for. I was thrilled. Flattered. I felt that my writing was improving by the fact that I was doing it regularly. I wrote my 100th post on November the 11th:

According to the new European Social Survey, Greece is the least welcoming country in Europe as far as foreigners are concerned. We already knew that though, didn’t we? When asked if foreigners make the country worse, 64% said they did. Double the average. When asked whether migrants should be allowed to settle here, 27% said none. Double the average. When asked whether foreigners from poor countries should be allowed to come and live here, eight out of ten said no. Double the average. 60% of europeans said that immigrants were good for the economy. Almost 60% (57%) of Greeks said they were not. This is not a recent change of heart. The last European Social survey in 2002 was pretty much the same. So, not much of that famous greek hospitality, if you are foreign and actually want to live here. Yes, I know; “if you don’t like it go home”, “you know where the airport is” etc. (just thought I would save you the trouble of writing it) Greece is relatively new to multiculturalism and has not had decades of discussion and education on the issues. Many people are starting to have these debates which is positive to see. Unfortunately, for the foreigners here now, the majority opinion seems to be against them. I just hope our efforts will make things better for our children. By the way, November 16th is International Day for Tolerance

The response was overwhelming but by now I was starting to get hurt by the comments and insults and criticisms. I still mistakenly believed I could reason with people who couldn’t be reasoned with. At some point during that discussion I decided I could not carry on blogging. One night I was ready to hit delete when I got two emails. Both were from people I had met through blogging. These two emails urged me to continue. They were full of love and support and strength, from people who did not know me but were willing to reach out and help a stranger. And so, thanks to them, and the support of my real life friends and family, I carried on. I believe it was through that experience that my real blogging began. I started by changing my blogroll. I no longer wanted to have links to the “Big Boy Blogs” They had nothing to say to me. They were not about me or people like me. Through the Blog against Racism , inspired by Creek Running North , I met other bloggers who were writing about issues I cared about. I started reading and connecting to like-minded people. People writing about activism, racism, feminism etc. This small community of bloggers were, and still are, inspiring. I came back stronger and more determined to keep fighting the injustices I see.

December
I had a 10.000 hits party. Yes, egotistical it might be, but I felt happy that people were reading what I wrote. That I had regular visitors and commentors. It was important to me. And still is. One person, at least, has told me I am obsessed with my blog statistics. No, not obsessed. Proud. In the same way as someone who makes a film is proud that people want to see it. Or writes a book that people want to read. Or makes music that people want to listen to. I cannot see the point of sitting here writing this blog if no-one visits. That is what I want. To reach people.
January
A fairly uneventful month in blogging terms. I got my fair share (well, unfair actually) of trolls and racists stamping their little feet about the place but I suppose I asked for some of it when I urged people to “send some love” to some rather sad people over on another blog. I felt they needed it in their bitter and twisted little worlds. It didn’t have the desired effect but It made me laugh anyway.
February
I moved house in February. Blogger was getting me down. It was too slow and had too much down-time. The move was fine, easy really. I imported my entire blog and comments intact over to Wordpress. I finally had more control over comment moderation. I pulled up one troll who was pretending to be several different people because I was now seeing IP address too! That felt good.
March
I took part in the Blog against Sexism Day inspired by Vegankid . I met more truly inspiring bloggers through that experience. I also met the troll who would set me on the path to taking more drastic steps in eliminating offensive people from my blog. He was one of those types( and there are so many) who like to visit feminist blogs and throw tantrums. I updated my guidelines with a “Fun with Trolls ” post. Regular and new readers agreed that offensive comments should be deleted. The problem I was finding was that decent people were being put off from taking part in discussions because of insults and threats to them. Also this month, I visited a Roma settlement here in Athens with Theo from the Greek Helsinki Monitor. What I saw there shocked me to the bone. I wrote about The Visit and decided I wanted extend my online activism into something more useful. I don’t know where this will lead yet but I am in contact with GHM regularly and will be visiting the camp again next month. I am hoping to take photos of all the children there (for them, not for my blog). You have no idea how much joy the group photos that Theo had taken of them brought. I saw their faces and I will never forget them. It’s a small thing I know, but all activism starts with a first step. I will hopefully be meeting with some of the Roma leaders during that trip too. I will, of course, write up what happens.

April
This was a sad month in my little blogworld. Quite a number of my favorite bloggers closed down or deleted their blogs. Why ? Because the trolls and racists and misogynists beat them down so much that they felt they could not continue to expose themselves to that hatred. This was happening mainly to the women. I posted To my Friends for them.
May
Blog for Radical Fun was this month thanks to Brownfemipower . And indeed, it was a lot of fun.
I also made another big move. Devious Diva became a dot com. Now I feel my empire is building and I am preparing to take over the world.
The row over Gulbeyaz Karahasan, (the Greek Muslim women standing for prefect of Drama-Kavala-Xanthi) that began over at the SeaWitch’s blog and came over here too was the final straw for offensive comments. On the 20th I decided:

I will no longer allow links from people run blogs that I find racist, misogynistic, homophobic or just plain offensive. That means if your blog falls into that category (and you know who you are) do not fill in your URL or I will delete without hesitation. I do not care about the content of that comment. I know this is going to annoy some people (or maybe they couldn’t care less, I don’t know) but I do not want to be linked to or associated in any way to the aforementioned blogs

Then on the 30th I found the “We hate DD” club and decided to ban certain people from commenting here. My comment policy is now planted firmly at the top of the sidebar and there it will stay. It has taken almost a year to reach the point of banning. I asked people to respect my guidelines and they continually stepped over the line. I realised (late I know) that they had no respect for me or for others here and that no amount of dialogue was going to change that and I believe my blog is a better place for it. I am sure there will be disagreements in the future and I have no problem with that. But I have made my position quite clear now. Deletion is another weapon in my struggle.
June
The tragedy of Alex triggered another outpouring of emotion for all of us here. For me, the cycle of this year from the racist killings that started this blog to Alex has had a profound effect. When I started this mammoth post I was on the verge of thinking it was time to stop. It has taken four days to write this and it really has been a small journey in itself. What I have found through doing this, is that there is a point. A reason to carry on. The point is there is more to be said. There is more to be done. There is more to learn. There is more.
So here we are. My first birthday. It’s been quite a year here. I have made so many great friends along the way. I have learned so much from ALL of you, even those I don’t like very much. My heart is full. Of all the pain and joy and love and hurt of this past year. I want to say sincere and heartfelt thank you to everyone who has read and commented here. It would be impossible to name everyone who has influenced me and helped me to keep this blog going but please know that all of you are remembered and your thoughts and kindness means an enormous amount to me. Thank you.

Now I hope to make it to my second birthday. And now that have written this, I reckon I will make it.

PS I hope to see some of you at DD’s virtual birthday bash tonight around 11pm, (Athens, Greece time) Sorry, I’m terrible at numbers and can’t work out what time that will be in other parts of the world. (Clues anyone?) The link for the chatroom is in the sidebar under Devious Diva Live.

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